On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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