dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
