im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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