Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
