happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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