I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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