Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
