You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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