I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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