just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
