yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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