party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
