remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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