she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We're too hungover to prance.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
