Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
