Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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