i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
