Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
