so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
