She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
