Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
