We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I am one with the molecules
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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