Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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