I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
As shirtless as possible
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
