I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
