Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
