whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
