WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize