i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
