He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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