maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
