i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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