Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't make out with my wife yet
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
You're earring is so big in my mouth
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize