You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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