$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I won the penis lottery.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
