sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
