she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
