So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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