You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
