Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
