it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
