u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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