I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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