i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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