I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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