I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize