What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
wow bdsm is so cute
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