fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
