You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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