i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
