True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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