think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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