The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
