Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
