he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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