Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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