Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
