Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
