My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I got inside last night via doggy door
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
