I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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