i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
