whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
