hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I love having hate sex.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Rumble strips road head = magical
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
