Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize
