today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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