I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
