It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
