Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Randomize
