I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
