pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
