I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
