No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
