So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize