I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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