When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
