Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
