Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
