He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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