Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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