The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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