We named our party play list daddy issues
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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