Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
