I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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