Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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