I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
