don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
