if i can run in heels then i can drive
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A+ Viking dick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
