It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you traded sex for a burrito?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
