I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
