Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Screwed.edu
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
