My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
