If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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