Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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