So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
