I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize