I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
