isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
