well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
