He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
