I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
