she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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