I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
