What did we do last night that was yellow?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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