what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
