I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
