New low: just hacked my moms facebook
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
