Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I think my moral compass just broke
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