The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
