i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
