I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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