I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
