Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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